Hitman 3’s murder mystery parody level is the most fun I’ve had playing Hitman

This pisstakey take on the established cosy mystery tropes is note-perfect. The suspects number the rest of Alexa’s family: a playboy grandson, a stuffy eldest son and his annoying wife, a neurotic younger son whose ex-wife had to take out a restraining order, a youngest daughter who is kind of an amazing bitch that I love, and, of course, the butler.

The voice acting really elevates it too, with every member of the grim family being portrayed with the relish of a cast in a three hour TV movie starring Kenneth Branagh. They’re almost all rendered infinitely punchable. You can listen in to their conversations and phone calls, not all of which are pertinent to the case, from mezzanine floors. The eldest son Gregory, for example, will read out snippets of the newspaper to his wife Emma, and comment on how an MP’s wife totally used to fancy him. It’s all constructed and written with the same care, attention to detail, and sense of humour that we’ve come to expect from Ian Hitman’s more recent adventures.

Using Ian’s camera, a tool new to Hitman 3 which can scan certain things for more intel or opportunities, you investigate the whole house and grounds as part of the crime scene, and interrogate the witnesses to find out what they saw and did the night before. You must crosscheck alibis, rifle through bedrooms, break into offices. There are twists and revelations that are perfectly in line with something that would turn up in Midsomer Murders. I love it.

The ‘orrible Carlisles

Masquerading as Ian H Man, definitely a private detective, is so much fun that I disappeared into the role and forgot I was supposed to be doing a whole other thing. It’s probably the most long-winded way to complete your mission in Dartmoor. If you gather enough evidence, Alexa will invite you to a private audience – yet this means you have to solve a locked room mystery first, and it took me nearly two hours.

And yet, it’s also the smoothest, most hassle-free route to a killing on offer. The guards around the manor are pretty antsy, and will be well sus of you even if you’re dressed as security or a servant. The famous detective can go wherever and do whatever he wants, short of cutting about with an edged weapon. It feels very much like this is the way you’re meant to play the level, at least on your first go, and though there are other options for doing ‘orrible murder, none are quite as detailed or inventive. We’ve done the burying alive thing, before, after all.

Ian dressed as an ominous funeral director, my second favourite kill method in Dartmoor.

I don’t begrudge IOI this at all, though, since the opening Dubai level was evidence enough that they’re still creating larger, more sprawling, and more complex levels to craft your own story in. Mixed with different approaches like Dartmoor, it just gives the game more variety. In fact, Dartmoor feels more like a complete story they’ve crafted for us, almost a trad single player adventure, and you can practically hear the developers giggling with glee while you’re going through it. It seems only fair that we let them have a bit of fun with their game too, doesn’t it?

If only they’d let me do the “I’ve gathered you all here…” summing-up scene. That really would have been perfect.